Friday, May 20, 2011

Sleeping Beauty

Day 4 of Bronchitis, and I finally have energy to type. Last night was a complete disaster. I woke up in the middle of the night with the worst pain in my throat, only to discover that my bathtub and toilet were overflowing water onto my bathroom floor and it was seeping out into my living area. It took me 2 hours to clean up. I had a throbbing headache the entire time, and well I don't actually own shitty towels, so I used about 12 dollars worth of paper towels to clean it up. I could be a spokesperson for Bounty.

I make an absolutely awful sick person you know... the whole resting, and being quiet, and eating chicken broth while laying still... not me. I'm more of the, "Damn it, it's a gorgeous day, I need to be outside, I can't believe I missed work, and I am sick of broth, and I want Thai food, and how many shitty romance comedies can one watch in a day, and forget the laying down. If I lay down, I get acid reflux, and if I sit up, my head feels like it's going to fall off my neck. And every time I breathe I need to cough, and every time I cough I drool. And I'm like a cranky bitchy baby who wants cake and ice cream...wait a sec... that's a f-ing amazing idea!" (<---told you I'm a really terrible sick person... I'm like the sick person people want to pull the plug on...they're like That bitch is crazy...just let her go... I'm not the one Oprah does a special on and raises a billion dollars for, that's for sure).

Oh and did I fail to mention that I'm like the most gorgeous thing alive right now... seriously. I could be on the cover of Vogue and I swear people would buy it just for shock value. I look like the poltergeist only with better clothes that I am now ruining with sickness.

I thought your'e supposed to get Bronchitis when you're smoking...not after you've quit so successfully! Maybe this is like... my punishment for not quitting sooner... or for I don't know...a million other things I probably shouldn't have done in my life. But hell, who's counting?

Okay I'm off to beg my mom for cake and ice cream ...wait....dammit...we only have cheesecake (and hell I'm not complaining really about that because to have any kind of food that has sugar in it in this house is like a miracle...) SOLD. Cheesecake it is... (still going to beg for popsicles or something...)

I know... I wouldn't want to be my mom either in these instances...she is the best though. My Dad is the best also, as he drove over to get me at 6 am when I called him practically sobbing about toilet water... 

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