One month ago, without giving it much thought, I decided it was time for me to quit smoking after thirteen years. Most people don't even stay married that long and the relationship I had with cigarettes was strong. I loved them and well...they loved me.
When I decided to quit smoking, it was something I had thought about on and off for two months. I wasn't sure I'd actually do it, or want to do it, but I had decided that if I did, I wouldn't think too hard about it. I'd pick a day, and then that would be it. Every time I had attempted to quit in the past, I would agonize over the details and mark calendars that would eventually sit in desk drawers drawing dust (how'd you like that alliteration? Not bad for 7:33 in the morning, huh?) Then someone would piss me off and I'd go out and buy a pack.
I got so good at smoking that I think on some level I grew out of it. I started to feel this nagging sense that maybe I was pushing fate a little too hard, and I should probably stop... So I read an article about what happens to your body when you quit... and at the end of the article, it said to get support because without it failure was inevitable.
So I forced myself to join a quit smoking forum online and to give it a chance... because every fiber of my being was telling me, "if you join a support group... I will never look at you the same way again." I would have this inner dialogue that went something like this:
Me: A support group? Are you joking? Is your last name Lohan?
Me: Shut up. The article says...
Me: The article says...you sound like Elizabeth Hasselbeck... The article says... who are you!?@ The article was probably written by someone who has never smoked a cigarette in their life. They're probably vegetarian for Chrissakes!
Me: Seriously... I think I should do this... give it a chance... stop being such a judgemental dick about this! There are good people trying to do good things...
Me: Yeah? I want to kick you in the face right now because you sound like an asshole. Good people....good things...
Me: I'm doing this.
Me: I will make fun of you for the rest of your life
Me: Yeah but at least I'll have a life....dick.
So I joined a group online... and I stuck with it for a week before I decided it was time to break off from the pack and start my own blog. It wasn't that there weren't some nice people on that thing... there were.. and quitting is hard as hell so if that's what you need to do...do it...but for me... I need a little humor with my quit. I couldn't stomach the "inhale slowly" emails I was getting every 15 minutes from some chick in Arizona who no doubt has 30 cats and was typing to me on a hammock to the tune of wind chimes (not that there's anything wrong with that.) And I felt if I didn't break off, I was going to be the bitch in the forum no one would talk to... so I politely (yeah I know...hard to believe but true) broke away and started this thing...and here I am.
I guess I am writing this to tell you that after one month of not smoking... I have you to thank. You are my biggest support system, you keep me sane, and at the end of the day I feel a deep sense of gratitude that I have you to turn to in moments of weakness. And there have been and I know will continue to be some moments.
My goal is to write to you every day for one year. 365 days...last post being January 30th, 2012. I hope you will continue to be there, as I have grown very fond of this self indulgent blog, and I hope you have too...