Friday, February 11, 2011

Bullshit Bullshit Bullshit Delete

Please note the hours of my neurosis have changed. We are now [apparently] open at 4 am. We look forward to seeing you!

I can not believe I woke up at 4 am. This only happens on awesome Fridays. Days, when you want to do things after work, or have a list of things you need to get done. So sure enough I woke up like I was Rumpelstilskin (Oh come on, like you know how to spell it either)... Slowly at first, and then after I rubbed my eyes, I felt as fresh as daisies and I couldn't fall back asleep. Anyway,... I lay awake for about 4 minutes, thinking "Should I stay or should I go?" And by go, I meant, for a run. I decided I should run because I need to hit the pavement once in awhile to remind myself of how fucking insane it is to run at 4:30 in the morning on a Friday when it is 25 degrees out and TWC says my "real feel" is 15 degrees. Dying. And to put this into perspective for you, I am not a morning runner. My own mother can vouch for this. It rarely happens because everyone knows that morning runners are over achievers and well..we all know I don't fit into that category.

But there I was. I even beat the damn newspaper man boy which was really bizarre because he almost hit me actually (with his car...not the paper) and I don't know how that happens when you're supposed to go 5 miles an hour. least I got my morning flicking off accomplished BEFORE I hit the road via car.

The few times I have actually tried to enter into the world of overachievers via morning runs, I would drive to the college track, which sounds so ridiculous because the track is literally around the corner from my house. It's even closer if I hop the fence, (because it's on the other side of the fence) At any rate as much as this pains me to say, I drove because I could smoke exactly two cigarettes before my run. It was enough to motivate me and I'm sure you have this vision that I ran a lap and came home, but this was when I was training for a half marathon, and in possibly the best shape of my life. was the best shape I've ever been in. So good in fact, that I went to a Bally's gym for one week to do a fitness consultation with a personal trainer, who had me running on a treadmill for half an hour at a 10 minute mile pace. Not so bad, but I had a heart rate monitor strapped to my chest, so when the half hour was up, he looked confused. Turned out... my heart rate was so slow, it was beating no faster than that of a 45 year old man sleeping. (Trainers words...not mine). This was like music to my ears because you couldn't get me to run a mile in highschool (and people actually tried :)

Getting back to my run, I ran exactly two miles in 17 minutes. The first mile I ran in 8.5 minutes. (Yeah...I know...there I go again with the over achieving thing...can't quite get the hang of it). The second mile, I had to battle a serious case of acid reflux and ended my run because of it. I was so relieved that it was only 4:45 am because the thought of any of my neighbors watching me as I'm keeled over in the middle of the street dry heaving is just...appalling. I don't even know why I just shared that. I'm an idiot. Sorry. Anyway, I made a special trip to CVS this morning to get some Zantac. I already feel better but my mind is like what the hell are you doing!?@ My mind said to me on the drive in, (in a raspy, kind of low voice) "You are not a non-smoker. You are a smoker who is not smoking." And it's true.

I think I'll always be a non-smoking smoker which is fine....I don't really care, but I do want people to know that I eventually would like to get to the point where I stop thinking about smoking constantly, and where I start to believe that quitting will bring me better health, instead of heartburn.

PS: Read last nights post so you don't have to. (You can thank me later)

Random thought: My voice drops like 10 decipals in the morning. Why is that?!@ It's insane. I sound like Kat Von Dee. Seriously. I couldn't figure it out until now. It has NOTHING to do with smoking and EVERYTHING to do with quitting because now my heartburn is burning a hole in my esophagus and also it was so cold out this morning, that it was hard to breathe. (I know I know...I'm a smoker and guess what! My throat never hurt when I was smoking and running! So put that in your pipe....). Everytime I inhaled [this morning] it felt as though I had swallowed a large glass of boiling water... If you haven't done should try it. It sucks. Okay, don't try it. But this is so ironic because I've always wanted one of those raspy sexy Kat Von Dee voices,... so how ironic...I get the voice while everyone is sleeping. Awesome :) Happy birthday to me :)

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