This morning I woke up, I did all the things normal healthy non-smoking people do...and I walked out of my door to my bedroom and this absolutely overwhelming smell of hamhocks filled the air. I don't know what the f that's about, but it's startling...you don't want to be all clean and then leave the house smelling like pork (wait hamhocks are pork right?). Anyway...weird. That did not stop me though from making it almost entirely all the way to my job, in a good mood. (I know! Things are turning around maybe...) I got in the car, and put on Sara Bareilles which I don't know why I did, but its funny cause that "Love Song" song could literally be a song about cigarettes... which is so ironic, and then the second I decide to take the repeat button off, this asshole....in an Acura (no offense to my brother who drives one) almost hits me and then zooms off where we meet seconds later at a stop sign and he actually opens his stupid f-ing sunroof and flicks me off! WITH BOTH HANDS!!! IN A FUCKING ACURA!!! I'm sorry...this guy looked like a douche. I don't know what to say or do in situations like this, when I haven't had a coffee, and I don't have a cigarette. So I sit there looking like the asshole... dumbfounded. But in my mind, 7 minutes later it played out like this:
Douche: What the fuck!
Me: What the fuck asshole! What ...the .....fuck! Who drives like that! Who drives like an absolute douche bag at 7:30 am with no one on the fucking road!?@ What do you have some "I Look Like Shit" convention you're late for!?@ WHAT THE FUCK!
Of course this isn't how it played out. Actually in real life I rolled down my window and gave him the finger.... to which he put both hands in the air as if to say "What the fuck did I do!?@"
nothing like a good Friday.
PS: Please don't take the hamhock thing as a poor reflection on the folks. I have no idea what that's about but normally our house smells like flowers because my mom has her flower "arrangements" all over the place... (see mom...I actually am making an effort NOT to embarrass you...why...no clue but... enjoy it.) Also sorry for the f-ing cursing. I am trying to be slightly respectful of the fact that my mom may read this and be pissed I said her house smelled like pork, but I don't know why because she told me the other day that the cursing doesn't bother her, it bothers my Dad...which is weird because he's the one who taught me how to fucking curse in the first place. (Love you Dad).