I am not a morning person unless I have my coffee and get in earlier than everyone else. If I can do those two things, I turn into some really REALLY annoying version of myself... super chatty and happy and shit. But don't worry... today is not that day. Today... I am not a morning person.
The thing about being a morning person, is I need that alone time which I guess you could say I had in my car this morning. I hate to say it but if someone had seen me, they would have thought I had Turret's Syndrome.
It took me half an hour to find my keys. Up and down and up and down the stairs I went, biting my tongue so as not to wake "the others." Finally I found my coat which was hanging in the bathroom on the towel rack. Seriously...why I would hang my coat up in the bathroom instead of just throwing it down on the floor like a normal person is beyond me.
By the time I got into my freezing cold car, I decided to sit for a second. Collect my thoughts. Have a piece of gum. God that just doesn't sound as cool as having a smoke. (Admit it. It doesn't!) So I reach for my gum which I bought at Target. It's like some fancy crap Trident is doing where they put the gum in a silver box, tell you it's blended with white tea, and it will give you vitality (whatever that means) oh and it looks cool but then when you open the box you realize it has the same stupid 10 pieces that you normally get with regular Trident. So I went for the gum, but instead of it gently popping out of the foil, the gum literally flew over my head and into some part of the car that only tiny hands can get to.
So I try again, and the same thing happens so I literally went ballistic and so did my gum. At one point, three pieces shot into the air and then vanished. 8 pieces of gum later, I finally got one... or should I say "harnessed."
I had a rough night last night so on a normal smokers day this would have been the perfect morning to run to starbucks, grab a coffee for the car ride and enjoy a smoke in peace but instead I just cursed the Gods and Trident for their bullshit packaging job and vowed never to buy that shit again.